1
00:00:02,210 --> 00:00:04,004
No way. You loved her?
2
00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:06,047
Absolutely. Girl of my dreams.
3
00:00:06,047 --> 00:00:07,590
Wilma Flintstone?
4
00:00:08,967 --> 00:00:11,344
Ah, you used like a girl
in a tiger-skin dress.
5
00:00:11,344 --> 00:00:12,721
Yes, I do.
6
00:00:14,639 --> 00:00:16,474
Plus, I got a thing for them redheads.
7
00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:19,686
{\an8}Not sure if I mentioned this,
but I have red hair.
8
00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:22,063
{\an8}[laughs] All right.
Who's your cartoon crush?
9
00:00:22,063 --> 00:00:23,690
{\an8}Well, that's easy.
10
00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:25,316
{\an8}Ever since I was a little girl,
11
00:00:25,316 --> 00:00:29,279
I always hoped for the day
that I might be Mrs. Jughead.
12
00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:34,075
And I'm not sayin' that
just because you remind me of him.
13
00:00:35,076 --> 00:00:36,077
[keys jangling]
14
00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:38,705
{\an8}Look. I'd invite you in,
15
00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:41,458
{\an8}but, like I told you,
it's a nuthouse in there.
16
00:00:41,458 --> 00:00:43,710
{\an8}I'm only goin' in 'cause I have to.
17
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:46,212
{\an8}Gotcha. I will call you tomorrow.
18
00:00:46,212 --> 00:00:48,298
{\an8}Why don't we do that car show on Saturday?
19
00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:49,257
{\an8}Okay. Yeah.
20
00:00:53,094 --> 00:00:56,848
{\an8}Brian... I really would invite you in.
21
00:00:56,848 --> 00:00:58,516
Uh, but it's my kids.
22
00:00:58,516 --> 00:00:59,768
They'd be all over you.
23
00:00:59,768 --> 00:01:01,311
- Lot of questions--
- Yeah!
24
00:01:01,311 --> 00:01:03,646
- And they'd get your wallet, your boots.
- Hmm.
25
00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:05,857
Look. The truth is...
26
00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:10,653
I don't want my kids
meeting Mommy's friend...
27
00:01:10,653 --> 00:01:15,450
until Mommy's sure she's gonna be friends
with her friend for a while.
28
00:01:15,450 --> 00:01:17,202
- I just don't want my kids--
- Reba.
29
00:01:17,202 --> 00:01:18,161
What?
30
00:01:18,161 --> 00:01:21,498
My parents were divorced,
and my mom had way too many friends.
31
00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:23,083
I played catch with one time.
32
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:25,543
- I'm new at this.
- And you're doin' it right.
33
00:01:25,543 --> 00:01:27,128
Plus, I like these boots.
34
00:01:29,839 --> 00:01:30,799
[Reba sighs]
35
00:01:30,799 --> 00:01:32,717
- Brian Collins...
- Mm-hmm.
36
00:01:32,717 --> 00:01:35,970
...would you like to have dinner
with my family on Thursday?
37
00:01:35,970 --> 00:01:37,138
I'd love to.
38
00:01:37,806 --> 00:01:39,974
No, wait. You're gonna
be there, too, right?
39
00:01:39,974 --> 00:01:40,975
[giggles] Yes.
40
00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:50,360
- Ooh-ee. You can kiss.
- [giggles]
41
00:01:51,528 --> 00:01:52,946
Well, finally!
42
00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:56,449
You kids have any idea what time it is?
43
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:01,371
[Reba] Van, shut the door.
44
00:02:07,085 --> 00:02:08,670
[Reba] I meant with you inside.
45
00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:12,423
It's inappropriate for you two
to be on the porch
46
00:02:12,423 --> 00:02:14,759
making out like a couple of French people!
47
00:02:17,095 --> 00:02:19,681
- Van, go inside.
- We have neighbors.
48
00:02:19,681 --> 00:02:21,349
You wanna go live with them?
49
00:02:22,433 --> 00:02:23,393
Two minutes.
50
00:02:31,609 --> 00:02:33,945
Are you sure
you wanna have dinner with us?
51
00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:35,780
- I'm positive.
- [giggles]
52
00:02:35,780 --> 00:02:38,032
- Good night, Wilma.
- Good night, Jughead.
53
00:02:48,793 --> 00:02:50,044
- [Van] Oh!
- [door closes]
54
00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:52,922
[Reba] Ha, hey!
55
00:02:52,922 --> 00:02:56,676
♪ Who I am is who I wanna be ♪
56
00:02:56,676 --> 00:03:00,638
{\an8}♪ I'm a survivor ♪
57
00:03:03,182 --> 00:03:05,977
{\an8}[upbeat music plays and stops]
58
00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:09,898
{\an8}There's the lucky girl who gets
to go to Barbra Jean's family reunion.
59
00:03:10,481 --> 00:03:13,818
{\an8}Actually, I was thinking I'd like to
go away to boarding school... tonight.
60
00:03:14,611 --> 00:03:16,613
{\an8}It won't be that bad. Just think of it
61
00:03:16,613 --> 00:03:18,656
{\an8}as a bunch of people you haven't met yet.
62
00:03:18,656 --> 00:03:21,659
{\an8}Yeah, a bunch of people
just like Barbra Jean.
63
00:03:23,244 --> 00:03:25,788
{\an8}Now, Kyra, your father and I
have talked this over.
64
00:03:25,788 --> 00:03:29,292
{\an8}And we both agree that
it's important for you to meet 'em.
65
00:03:29,292 --> 00:03:32,378
{\an8}Just remember, you're a part
of Barbra Jean's family now.
66
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:34,339
[teasing] Na-na-na-na-na!
67
00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:41,012
And since it's all the way up in Lubbock,
68
00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:45,099
{\an8}we're gonna drive there
in a... a rented minibus.
69
00:03:46,851 --> 00:03:49,062
{\an8}Huh? How much fun will that be?
70
00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:53,316
{\an8}- Lubbock?
- No, it's near Lubbock.
71
00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:55,526
{\an8}In a town called Fisheye Bottom.
72
00:03:57,070 --> 00:04:00,823
{\an8}It has the biggest
slaughterhouse in the county.
73
00:04:00,823 --> 00:04:02,533
{\an8}Who's heard of it? Show of hands.
74
00:04:04,452 --> 00:04:07,080
{\an8}- What's it like there?
- It's flat, real flat.
75
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,749
{\an8}You stand on a coffee can,
you can see Colorado.
76
00:04:12,418 --> 00:04:16,172
{\an8}Now, Reba, I just want you to know
that you are welcome to join us.
77
00:04:16,172 --> 00:04:19,801
Gee, I'd love to drive nine hours
to meet those you sprung from,
78
00:04:19,801 --> 00:04:23,805
but I'm gonna be busy this weekend
putting my divorce papers in a gold frame.
79
00:04:26,224 --> 00:04:28,601
Well, we're all just
gonna have a great time!
80
00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:31,896
And I can't wait for Brock
to meet Big Daddy.
81
00:04:31,896 --> 00:04:33,106
Big Daddy?
82
00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:35,608
That's what they call him, honest to God.
83
00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:40,113
Isn't he the one
who wouldn't come to your wedding?
84
00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:41,864
No. Well, yeah.
85
00:04:43,491 --> 00:04:45,493
It's just Big Daddy's old-fashioned.
86
00:04:45,493 --> 00:04:48,204
He doesn't like
that this is Brock's second marriage.
87
00:04:48,204 --> 00:04:49,831
He's very anti-divorce.
88
00:04:49,831 --> 00:04:51,958
Hey, I used to be, too.
89
00:04:54,669 --> 00:04:57,088
He did send us a couple of nice
wedding presents.
90
00:04:57,088 --> 00:04:59,841
Yeah, Barbra Jean
got a lovely pearl necklace.
91
00:04:59,841 --> 00:05:02,343
I got a gift certificate... for a tombstone.
92
00:05:02,343 --> 00:05:04,095
[mouthing] No!
93
00:05:05,054 --> 00:05:07,557
Okay, we'll pick you up Saturday at nine.
94
00:05:07,557 --> 00:05:11,602
Oh! We are gonna have
a real West Texas down-home good time!
95
00:05:11,602 --> 00:05:13,646
Yee-haw!
96
00:05:15,189 --> 00:05:18,776
Barbra Jean, honey,
do we really have to do this?
97
00:05:18,776 --> 00:05:20,820
Brock, I said, "Yee-haw."
98
00:05:25,908 --> 00:05:27,994
Okay. Here we go, guys.
99
00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:30,079
Brian's gonna be here any minute.
100
00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:32,665
And, I want this to be
a very nice family dinner.
101
00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:34,751
All right. You got it, Mom.
102
00:05:34,751 --> 00:05:36,753
Kyra, go get dressed.
103
00:05:36,753 --> 00:05:40,256
- I am dressed.
- Um, yeah, maybe to play kickball.
104
00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:43,968
Don't worry, Mrs. H.
We'll be on best behavior.
105
00:05:43,968 --> 00:05:47,096
Now, Jake, let's keep
those fingers out of the nose.
106
00:05:47,096 --> 00:05:50,141
Van, knock it off. But, Jake, yes.
107
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:56,355
Mom? What if I don't like your friend?
108
00:05:57,356 --> 00:06:00,151
His name is Brian. He's really nice.
109
00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:02,945
He's smart. He's sweet,
and he's really funny.
110
00:06:02,945 --> 00:06:04,030
You'll like him.
111
00:06:04,739 --> 00:06:05,948
But what if I don't?
112
00:06:07,158 --> 00:06:08,242
[sighs]
113
00:06:09,368 --> 00:06:11,746
You're my son,
and I love you with all my heart.
114
00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:13,331
And you love me.
115
00:06:13,331 --> 00:06:14,457
And I like Brian.
116
00:06:14,457 --> 00:06:16,626
So I bet you're gonna like him, too.
117
00:06:17,668 --> 00:06:18,878
But what if I don't?
118
00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:20,671
I bet you will.
119
00:06:20,671 --> 00:06:22,632
- But what if I don't?
- You're gonna.
120
00:06:22,632 --> 00:06:24,175
- But what if I don't?
- Jake!
121
00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:26,135
[chuckles]
122
00:06:26,135 --> 00:06:29,180
Why don't you meet him,
and then we'll talk later? Okay?
123
00:06:29,180 --> 00:06:30,181
- Okay.
- Yeah.
124
00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:31,474
[doorbell rings]
125
00:06:31,474 --> 00:06:33,059
Ooh, I'll get it.
126
00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:35,103
Okay. So, here we go.
127
00:06:35,103 --> 00:06:37,396
This is gonna be fun. [chuckles nervously]
128
00:06:37,396 --> 00:06:38,731
Everybody just relax.
129
00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:42,068
We're gonna have a family dinner.
No big deal. Be yourselves.
130
00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:43,027
[doorbell rings]
131
00:06:43,027 --> 00:06:45,196
Hey, Casanova, keep your shirt on!
132
00:06:52,453 --> 00:06:53,371
Van!
133
00:06:53,371 --> 00:06:55,581
Hey! He's the one being rude.
134
00:06:57,333 --> 00:07:01,003
He's gonna probably be very nervous.
Make him feel comfortable.
135
00:07:01,003 --> 00:07:02,713
- Hurry up and open the door.
- Okay.
136
00:07:02,713 --> 00:07:03,923
I wanna meet my new daddy.
137
00:07:10,888 --> 00:07:12,140
- [Reba] Hey!
- Hey.
138
00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:14,058
Well, I didn't know what to bring,
139
00:07:14,058 --> 00:07:15,852
so I made some homemade ice cream
140
00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:18,563
with mandm's, gummy worms
and chocolate mint.
141
00:07:20,815 --> 00:07:22,608
- I like him.
- [Reba chuckles]
142
00:07:22,608 --> 00:07:24,735
[drum beats]
143
00:07:24,735 --> 00:07:26,612
[upbeat music playing]
144
00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:30,616
BRIAN: What can I do to help you?
145
00:07:30,616 --> 00:07:33,619
I think I've got it covered.
146
00:07:33,619 --> 00:07:35,663
Why don't you go in there and relax?
147
00:07:35,663 --> 00:07:37,498
Come on! I'm handy in the kitchen.
148
00:07:37,498 --> 00:07:40,293
I can unwrap a slice of cheese
in under two minutes.
149
00:07:41,419 --> 00:07:43,045
Of course, I'd need my special gloves.
150
00:07:43,045 --> 00:07:44,755
[giggles]
151
00:07:44,755 --> 00:07:45,923
I'm okay, really.
152
00:07:46,757 --> 00:07:49,302
Why don't you go in the living room,
with the kids?
153
00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:52,096
[sighs] Oh! Right to the audition?
154
00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:55,391
Okay, how do I look?
Is my target on straight?
155
00:07:55,391 --> 00:07:57,310
[laughs] It'll be fine.
156
00:07:57,310 --> 00:08:01,355
Besides, if this doesn't go well,
they're the ones I'm breaking up with.
157
00:08:01,355 --> 00:08:03,816
[chuckles, inhales] All right. I'm ready.
158
00:08:04,775 --> 00:08:06,194
[in deep voice] I'm going in.
159
00:08:07,361 --> 00:08:09,530
I don't know about this Brian guy.
160
00:08:09,530 --> 00:08:11,532
Why? He seems nice.
161
00:08:11,532 --> 00:08:12,950
He has dead eyes.
162
00:08:14,785 --> 00:08:17,163
I like him. He brought ice cream.
163
00:08:18,414 --> 00:08:20,625
Yeah. But what if he's some
ice cream psycho?
164
00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:23,377
What if it isn't gummy worms
in the ice cream?
165
00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:26,464
What if it's real worms?
166
00:08:28,007 --> 00:08:29,592
That would be cool!
167
00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:35,306
What do you think of him, Kyra?
168
00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:37,767
I've only spent a billionth
of a second with him,
169
00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:39,977
but I already like him
more than I like Van.
170
00:08:45,691 --> 00:08:48,194
You know, your Mom says he's a filmmaker.
171
00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:49,737
You know what that means, don't ya?
172
00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:52,156
♪ Bow chicka bow-bow ♪
173
00:08:52,156 --> 00:08:54,116
Van! That is so...
174
00:08:54,116 --> 00:08:55,493
♪ Bow-bow ♪
175
00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:56,994
[coughs]
176
00:08:59,413 --> 00:09:01,415
Yeah, that doesn't make me paranoid.
177
00:09:03,876 --> 00:09:05,169
So, Brian...
178
00:09:06,295 --> 00:09:07,171
Have a seat.
179
00:09:08,673 --> 00:09:10,299
[screams] Not Daddy's chair!
180
00:09:14,470 --> 00:09:15,429
Good one.
181
00:09:17,265 --> 00:09:18,891
Can I get you something to drink?
182
00:09:18,891 --> 00:09:20,393
Yeah, you look like a drinker.
183
00:09:22,311 --> 00:09:24,355
Or are pills, your game?
184
00:09:25,481 --> 00:09:26,857
No, I'm fine. Thank you.
185
00:09:28,025 --> 00:09:29,485
So, you and my mom, huh?
186
00:09:29,485 --> 00:09:30,945
[giggles] That's neat.
187
00:09:32,196 --> 00:09:34,532
What exactly was it
that attracted you to her?
188
00:09:34,532 --> 00:09:35,825
To be honest with you,
189
00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:38,619
at first there was that
"she's gorgeous" thing.
190
00:09:38,619 --> 00:09:40,997
- [Cheyenne] Mm-hmm.
- ♪ Bow chicka bow-bow ♪
191
00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:46,961
Plus, she talks about you guys constantly.
192
00:09:46,961 --> 00:09:50,047
That's a sign of somebody
with a lot of room in their heart.
193
00:09:50,047 --> 00:09:51,757
[both sigh]
194
00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:58,180
She doesn't talk about us
when you guys are out, does she?
195
00:09:58,180 --> 00:10:01,475
She mostly talks about
a certain young lady named Elizabeth.
196
00:10:01,475 --> 00:10:03,936
- [giggles]
- I've seen that photograph many times.
197
00:10:03,936 --> 00:10:06,022
You have a beautiful child, Cheyenne.
198
00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:07,398
I'll go wake her up.
199
00:10:09,483 --> 00:10:14,697
Then there's Kyra, who gets stuck with
the babysitting detail when we go out.
200
00:10:14,697 --> 00:10:16,657
You, I owe big time.
201
00:10:17,241 --> 00:10:18,534
I have change for a fifty.
202
00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:21,495
Well, I got a different idea.
203
00:10:21,495 --> 00:10:23,998
How about your mom and I
take Jake with us sometime,
204
00:10:23,998 --> 00:10:25,666
so you can revisit your life?
205
00:10:25,666 --> 00:10:27,460
God bless you, sweet stranger.
206
00:10:30,004 --> 00:10:31,130
[scoffs]
207
00:10:32,089 --> 00:10:35,593
Well, you are just
a sweet-talker, aren't you?
208
00:10:36,969 --> 00:10:38,638
Ladies love that.
209
00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:41,641
Me? I'm a different kinda animal.
210
00:10:42,933 --> 00:10:45,394
You won't work your gigolo magic on me.
211
00:10:49,190 --> 00:10:51,942
I love the fact that
you're protective of Reba.
212
00:10:51,942 --> 00:10:53,527
I mean, I am, too.
213
00:10:53,527 --> 00:10:56,530
But when you say something like that,
214
00:10:56,530 --> 00:10:59,116
you imply something about her
that I don't...
215
00:10:59,116 --> 00:11:00,493
I don't care for at all.
216
00:11:01,243 --> 00:11:03,287
Now, I don't think
that's what you meant to do.
217
00:11:03,954 --> 00:11:06,874
Which is why I'm gonna let it go. Once.
218
00:11:09,710 --> 00:11:11,212
Okay. Dinner's ready.
219
00:11:16,425 --> 00:11:17,718
I like him.
220
00:11:19,136 --> 00:11:20,679
[upbeat music playing]
221
00:11:24,934 --> 00:11:25,851
[music stops]
222
00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:29,688
[upbeat music playing]
223
00:11:31,941 --> 00:11:33,943
Okay, this is hilarious!
224
00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:35,361
The Van, me,
225
00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:39,657
takes the stuff out to the van
we're driving in. Right?
226
00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:43,869
So it's Van to the van,
then Van in the van,
227
00:11:43,869 --> 00:11:45,621
and then both vans are gone.
228
00:11:48,874 --> 00:11:50,418
Isn't that thing a minibus?
229
00:11:54,255 --> 00:11:55,423
Fine.
230
00:11:58,217 --> 00:12:01,220
Okeydokey. I think I've got everything.
231
00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:04,473
You better double-check.
I remember once we went to your Grandma's,
232
00:12:04,473 --> 00:12:06,725
and I left all your bottles in the fridge.
233
00:12:06,725 --> 00:12:07,977
[both laugh]
234
00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:10,062
- Course, I was young and stupid.
- Yeah.
235
00:12:11,689 --> 00:12:12,857
I'll be right back.
236
00:12:15,401 --> 00:12:18,070
Yeah, yeah. Okay. Fine.
It's a van. Whatever!
237
00:12:21,907 --> 00:12:24,577
How can the kids need
this much stuff for one night?
238
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:27,913
Brock, they're gonna Fisheye Bottom.
They'll need evening wear.
239
00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:29,373
[groans]
240
00:12:29,373 --> 00:12:31,292
Hey, a camera. That's a good idea.
241
00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:33,502
Yeah. I'm gonna meet Barbra Jean's family.
242
00:12:33,502 --> 00:12:35,671
If nothing, the flash will startle them.
243
00:12:35,671 --> 00:12:37,256
Kyra!
244
00:12:37,256 --> 00:12:38,466
Young lady,
245
00:12:38,466 --> 00:12:41,218
this weekend you're gonna
be polite and respectful.
246
00:12:41,218 --> 00:12:44,096
Okay, Daddy. I'll really try.
247
00:12:44,096 --> 00:12:45,681
And no sarcasm either!
248
00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:50,644
No, no. Jake, honey,
you brought enough toys.
249
00:12:50,644 --> 00:12:53,230
It's not a toy. It's for when I puke.
250
00:12:56,942 --> 00:12:58,903
Quit enjoying this!
251
00:12:58,903 --> 00:13:02,364
[laughing] I'll try. It's just not easy.
252
00:13:05,576 --> 00:13:07,536
I think your daddy's ready to go.
253
00:13:07,536 --> 00:13:09,371
I'm not sure Dad wants to get there.
254
00:13:09,371 --> 00:13:12,541
He circled a spot on the map
and wrote, "Fake engine trouble."
255
00:13:14,418 --> 00:13:15,461
What are you doing?
256
00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:16,837
Making breakfast.
257
00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:18,631
A grapefruit?
258
00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:22,885
Don't you normally eat something good,
like ham and sausage between pancakes?
259
00:13:22,885 --> 00:13:24,678
I wanted a grapefruit. So?
260
00:13:26,555 --> 00:13:28,599
Didn't you go to the gym yesterday?
261
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:33,312
I went out for a cheeseburger.
I was in my sweats. It just happened.
262
00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:35,898
Oh, my God. You are so cute.
263
00:13:35,898 --> 00:13:39,068
But, Mom, you can relax.
You have a great body.
264
00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:40,402
Oh! [chuckles]
265
00:13:40,402 --> 00:13:42,947
Well, this is an awkward
mother-daughter moment.
266
00:13:42,947 --> 00:13:45,658
Look. It's because
Brian's got a hot body, right?
267
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:48,619
Mom, don't worry.
Surely he thinks you look great naked.
268
00:13:48,619 --> 00:13:52,248
I think your father is ready to go. Now!
269
00:13:52,248 --> 00:13:55,084
Why are you so freaked out?
We can talk about all this.
270
00:13:55,084 --> 00:13:57,753
Cheyenne, stop.
This is none of your business.
271
00:13:57,753 --> 00:13:59,755
You are my child, not my girlfriend.
272
00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:02,383
I appreciate your interest...
273
00:14:02,383 --> 00:14:06,262
and that you think Brian has a hot body...
274
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:10,683
but this isn't something
I'm comfortable talking to you about.
275
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:14,520
Mom, I may be your daughter,
but I'm also a married woman.
276
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:18,607
I think this is great, as long
as you two are being... careful.
277
00:14:21,735 --> 00:14:23,153
You are being careful, right?
278
00:14:23,153 --> 00:14:26,282
Cheyenne! Yes. Very careful.
279
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:28,617
One hundred percent foolproof careful.
280
00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:30,911
- Oh!
- Yeah.
281
00:14:30,911 --> 00:14:32,872
- Oh. I-- I just... I thought--
- No.
282
00:14:34,373 --> 00:14:35,749
Not even a little bit?
283
00:14:38,627 --> 00:14:41,130
I don't fully understand
that question, but no.
284
00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:48,888
Well, do you think you're going to?
285
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:51,974
I mean, if the opportunity
presented itself?
286
00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:57,146
Say you had the house to yourselves...
for the entire weekend?
287
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:01,609
I'm gonna need another grapefruit.
288
00:15:05,654 --> 00:15:07,531
Mom? Do you wanna?
289
00:15:09,950 --> 00:15:12,244
[deep sigh] I don't know.
290
00:15:12,953 --> 00:15:13,871
Okay.
291
00:15:13,871 --> 00:15:17,875
You have to be ready just in case you
decide you do wanna, you guys are safe.
292
00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:20,836
First, you need to talk to him
about his history.
293
00:15:20,836 --> 00:15:23,005
His history? Uh-huh.
294
00:15:24,423 --> 00:15:26,926
And I'm just supposed
to bring that up over dinner?
295
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,010
[giggles]
296
00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:30,930
How's your Brussels sprouts, Brian?
Is your gravy too hot?
297
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:33,849
When was the last time
you had a little ring-a-ding?
298
00:15:36,685 --> 00:15:38,687
[chuckles] A ring-a-ding?
299
00:15:39,271 --> 00:15:42,942
I've heard what you kids call it.
I prefer ring-a-ding.
300
00:15:44,109 --> 00:15:46,779
I don't think I can ask him
about his history, Cheyenne.
301
00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:48,322
Well, Mom, you have to.
302
00:15:48,322 --> 00:15:52,868
You know, if you're gonna
have safe ding-a-ling, you have to.
303
00:15:52,868 --> 00:15:54,495
Ring-a-ding.
304
00:15:56,205 --> 00:15:57,957
Whatever! Gee. Look, Mom.
305
00:15:57,957 --> 00:16:00,918
a lot has changed since the last time
you went through this.
306
00:16:00,918 --> 00:16:02,544
Okay. Right.
307
00:16:02,544 --> 00:16:05,547
- Thank you very much. Bye-bye.
- Mom. Another thing.
308
00:16:05,547 --> 00:16:09,093
Remember, every time you go out,
you need your essentials in your purse.
309
00:16:09,093 --> 00:16:10,177
- Essentials?
- Mm-hmm.
310
00:16:10,177 --> 00:16:12,596
Underwear, toothbrush,
birth control, money--
311
00:16:12,596 --> 00:16:15,766
Whoa! Am I going on a date
or a sleepaway camp?
312
00:16:17,309 --> 00:16:20,104
And what's this money thing?
Do I have to tip for that too?
313
00:16:21,146 --> 00:16:23,565
Mom, money is so that
no matter where you are,
314
00:16:23,565 --> 00:16:25,818
you can call a cab to go home. Okay?
315
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:27,486
- Yeah, okay.
- [Cheyenne] Okay.
316
00:16:28,487 --> 00:16:31,115
You know, you're pretty good
at givin' the talk.
317
00:16:32,282 --> 00:16:35,703
Hey, you and Kyra are gonna be
in a minibus for eight hours--
318
00:16:35,703 --> 00:16:37,913
Oh, no way. [chuckles]
319
00:16:37,913 --> 00:16:41,250
Look, Mom. I know
this is a really big step for you.
320
00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:43,794
I mean, we all like Brian a lot.
321
00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:49,758
No matter what happens between
the two of you guys while we're away,
322
00:16:49,758 --> 00:16:51,593
I'm sure it's gonna be wonderful.
323
00:16:51,593 --> 00:16:53,887
[Elizabeth crying]
324
00:16:53,887 --> 00:16:55,264
Just be careful.
325
00:16:57,099 --> 00:16:58,350
[upbeat music playing]
326
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:03,355
{\an8}[upbeat music continuing]
327
00:17:05,941 --> 00:17:08,444
[crying]
328
00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:13,407
Oh! I cannot believe the babies
took turns crying the entire way!
329
00:17:13,407 --> 00:17:15,451
[chuckles] Really? I didn't notice.
330
00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:17,661
'Course, I couldn't hear them
over the sound of me
331
00:17:17,661 --> 00:17:19,830
pounding myself in the head.
332
00:17:19,830 --> 00:17:21,623
How's the stomach, buddy?
333
00:17:21,623 --> 00:17:22,958
Oh, better.
334
00:17:22,958 --> 00:17:25,294
Next time bring your own pail.
335
00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:30,591
Hey, where are all the freaks?
336
00:17:31,508 --> 00:17:33,761
- I rode eight hours in a bus--
- Van.
337
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:37,056
Whatever. I want weirdos and nutcases.
338
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:38,932
Yeah, well, they're not here yet.
339
00:17:38,932 --> 00:17:41,685
Hey, maybe I got lucky
and Big Daddy's not coming.
340
00:17:41,685 --> 00:17:45,147
Or maybe he just stopped
along the way to gut a hitchhiker.
341
00:17:45,147 --> 00:17:48,817
Oh, now, Brock, don't be nervous
about meeting Big Daddy.
342
00:17:48,817 --> 00:17:50,652
There's nothing to worry about.
343
00:17:50,652 --> 00:17:52,821
So he has a lot of guns and drinks a bit.
344
00:17:52,821 --> 00:17:54,239
He drinks?
345
00:17:56,241 --> 00:17:59,828
All right. This was great.
I enjoyed Fisheye Bottom.
346
00:17:59,828 --> 00:18:02,873
I especially enjoyed the gas station
attendant with the tiny head.
347
00:18:03,624 --> 00:18:06,627
- Now can we go back to Houston?
- We're not going anywhere.
348
00:18:06,627 --> 00:18:08,712
If we leave,
it'll look like we're running.
349
00:18:08,712 --> 00:18:11,673
Nothing brings out a hunter's instinct
like prey on the run.
350
00:18:11,673 --> 00:18:13,717
Don't be silly.
351
00:18:13,717 --> 00:18:16,553
Big Daddy's as grateful as I am
that you all decided to come.
352
00:18:16,553 --> 00:18:20,015
And how could he not love
this little face?
353
00:18:20,015 --> 00:18:22,017
- Let go.
- Okay.
354
00:18:22,017 --> 00:18:24,353
[man] All right. Let's get some chow.
355
00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:25,437
Here they come.
356
00:18:26,647 --> 00:18:29,733
- [Barbra Jean squealing]
- [man] There's my little girl.
357
00:18:29,733 --> 00:18:32,111
Big Daddy! [laughs]
358
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:34,780
This is Henry.
359
00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:37,116
Right there, those are my daddy's eyes.
360
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:40,494
[exclaims] And this is my husband, Brock.
361
00:18:40,494 --> 00:18:43,413
Of course he's your husband.
He's everybody's husband.
362
00:18:44,748 --> 00:18:46,458
[upbeat music playing]
363
00:18:51,296 --> 00:18:52,422
[music stops]
364
00:18:52,422 --> 00:18:54,216
[light music playing]
365
00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:04,893
[light music continues]
366
00:20:14,504 --> 00:20:16,715
[rustling]
367
00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:22,346
[rattling]
368
00:21:06,056 --> 00:21:07,015
[music fades]
369
00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:11,603
[quirky music crescendo]
370
00:21:18,235 --> 00:21:19,278
[music stops]
371
00:21:21,029 --> 00:21:23,115
[upbeat music playing]
372
00:21:23,115 --> 00:21:25,909
[Reba] That restaurant
was good again tonight.
373
00:21:25,909 --> 00:21:27,577
We should make that our place.
374
00:21:27,577 --> 00:21:29,955
- I only have one question.
- [Reba] What's that?
375
00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:32,249
Why did you hand
your underwear to the valet?
376
00:21:37,504 --> 00:21:38,922
It was very good service.
377
00:21:41,049 --> 00:21:42,551
[keys jingling]
378
00:21:43,677 --> 00:21:45,387
Well, here we are. [sighs]
379
00:21:45,387 --> 00:21:48,056
Maybe I oughta pop my head in
and say hey to the kids.
380
00:21:48,056 --> 00:21:51,476
It's a little late. Maybe tonight
wouldn't be a good night for that.
381
00:21:51,476 --> 00:21:53,854
- Then I will take a kiss.
- Okay.
382
00:21:55,355 --> 00:21:56,898
[crickets creaking]
383
00:22:00,068 --> 00:22:02,571
Ooh! That garlic bread
was good, wasn't it?
384
00:22:02,571 --> 00:22:04,531
[laughs]
385
00:22:05,282 --> 00:22:06,742
- Good night.
- Good night.
386
00:22:08,285 --> 00:22:09,369
Uh, Brian?
387
00:22:10,037 --> 00:22:14,291
Actually, uh, my kids
are gone for the weekend.
388
00:22:14,291 --> 00:22:16,668
They went away
with their dad and his wife.
389
00:22:16,668 --> 00:22:19,838
Oh. How about that?
390
00:22:21,465 --> 00:22:23,717
Yeah, how about that? [chuckles]
391
00:22:23,717 --> 00:22:28,597
But, you know, I...
I don't know if I'm, you know, ready yet.
392
00:22:28,597 --> 00:22:30,515
- Oh, no. Sh... Hey!
- Yeah.
393
00:22:30,515 --> 00:22:32,559
- Of course. I understand.
- Yeah. Okay.
394
00:22:34,478 --> 00:22:35,353
How about now?
395
00:22:37,898 --> 00:22:40,358
Now? How's now for you?
396
00:22:40,358 --> 00:22:42,194
[laughing]
397
00:22:42,194 --> 00:22:43,487
I'll call you, okay?
398
00:22:43,487 --> 00:22:46,531
Okay. Hey, wait a second.
399
00:22:46,531 --> 00:22:50,035
Isn't "I'll call you" what guys say
when they're not gonna call?
400
00:22:50,035 --> 00:22:51,745
- Reba.
- What?
401
00:22:51,745 --> 00:22:54,831
- I'll call you tomorrow morning, okay?
- Okay.
402
00:22:54,831 --> 00:22:57,542
- Okay. Night.
- Okay. Good night.
403
00:22:57,542 --> 00:22:59,127
[crickets chirping]
404
00:23:00,170 --> 00:23:01,129
Hey, Brian?
405
00:23:05,967 --> 00:23:08,386
- Wanna come in?
- [Brian] Excuse me.
406
00:23:10,514 --> 00:23:12,140
[upbeat music playing]
407
00:23:13,517 --> 00:23:15,435
[upbeat music continues]
408
00:23:17,479 --> 00:23:22,067
Hey, Brock, you remember my sister,
Katie Ann, and her husband, Trent.
409
00:23:22,067 --> 00:23:24,528
Hey, Trent. How ya doing?
Good to see you again!
410
00:23:24,528 --> 00:23:26,488
Katie Ann. [chuckles]
411
00:23:26,488 --> 00:23:30,117
Say, uh, your dad's not packin', is he?
412
00:23:30,117 --> 00:23:32,828
Oh, don't be silly. [laughing]
413
00:23:33,578 --> 00:23:34,621
Of course he is.
414
00:23:36,790 --> 00:23:40,210
- We met little Henry.
- Oh, he's so cute!
415
00:23:40,210 --> 00:23:42,963
And he doesn't have
big giant Barbra Jean feet.
416
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:46,800
Well, he's just a baby. [chuckles]
417
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:50,095
It took me all my life to grow
big giant Barbra Jean feet.
418
00:23:51,054 --> 00:23:52,472
Hi, Big Daddy!
419
00:23:55,142 --> 00:23:57,227
Hey, Brock. If you're gonna hide,
420
00:23:57,227 --> 00:23:59,604
I'd stay away
from the rabbit-fur coat there.
421
00:23:59,604 --> 00:24:02,065
If that thing moves,
someone's liable to shoot it.
422
00:24:02,065 --> 00:24:04,693
[chuckles] No, I'm not hiding.
423
00:24:04,693 --> 00:24:06,403
I'm just taking a break,
424
00:24:06,403 --> 00:24:10,574
and, you know, going through
people's pockets lookin' for loose change.
425
00:24:10,574 --> 00:24:13,034
So, technically, I'm stealing.
I'm not hiding.
426
00:24:13,994 --> 00:24:16,288
Look. I know you're afraid of Big Daddy.
427
00:24:16,288 --> 00:24:17,789
I used to hide from him too.
428
00:24:17,789 --> 00:24:20,792
And now you're gonna say
his bark is worse than his bite?
429
00:24:20,792 --> 00:24:23,086
No. The bite is way worse.
430
00:24:23,086 --> 00:24:26,006
And there's no avoiding it
when you marry one of his girls.
431
00:24:26,006 --> 00:24:28,717
Just wanted to thank you
for taking the heat off me.
432
00:24:28,717 --> 00:24:32,179
Hey, what's he hates you for?
433
00:24:32,179 --> 00:24:35,891
Moving Katie Ann
to San Francisco and having a pet cat.
434
00:24:35,891 --> 00:24:38,977
See, according to Big Daddy,
real men don't own cats.
435
00:24:39,769 --> 00:24:42,189
Yeah, well, he's got a point there.
436
00:24:44,149 --> 00:24:48,153
Look, eventually, he's gonna find you,
so you might as well go face him now.
437
00:24:48,153 --> 00:24:51,114
It'll hurt, but at least
you'll get it over with.
438
00:24:52,032 --> 00:24:55,702
[Big Daddy] So the guy says, "'Grab him?'
I thought you said, 'Stab him!'"
439
00:24:55,702 --> 00:24:57,495
[laughing]
440
00:24:57,495 --> 00:24:59,456
[chuckles] That's a good joke.
441
00:24:59,456 --> 00:25:01,208
It's not a joke. It's a true story.
442
00:25:02,959 --> 00:25:05,712
Well, look who crawled out
from under a table.
443
00:25:05,712 --> 00:25:08,632
It's Doc. Isn't that
what your friends call you, Doc?
444
00:25:08,632 --> 00:25:11,009
Actually, they don't.
I don't really like that.
445
00:25:11,009 --> 00:25:12,677
Good. Then I'll call you Doc.
446
00:25:13,803 --> 00:25:15,680
Boys, this is my son-in-law.
447
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:17,807
You are still my son-in-law, right?
448
00:25:17,807 --> 00:25:20,644
I have to check,
'cause this boy loves gettin' divorced.
449
00:25:20,644 --> 00:25:23,355
Maybe I should start callin' you Splitty.
450
00:25:25,190 --> 00:25:27,359
You know, suddenly
Doc doesn't sound so bad.
451
00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:28,401
[laughs]
452
00:25:28,401 --> 00:25:29,486
I guess in Houston,
453
00:25:29,486 --> 00:25:32,405
they play fast and loose
with the institution of marriage.
454
00:25:32,405 --> 00:25:36,243
Me, I been married to Big Mama
for 56 years. Never left her.
455
00:25:36,243 --> 00:25:38,787
Probably 'cause she is too ugly
to kiss good-bye.
456
00:25:42,207 --> 00:25:44,793
That's a joke, Doc.
457
00:25:44,793 --> 00:25:49,089
Oh, huh. I couldn't tell,
'cause, well, it wasn't funny.
458
00:25:52,592 --> 00:25:53,593
What's that?
459
00:25:53,593 --> 00:25:58,306
You know, jokes about your wife.
I don't get that.
460
00:25:58,306 --> 00:26:00,600
I also don't do that.
461
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:02,435
I love my wife.
462
00:26:02,435 --> 00:26:05,522
Which wife would that be, Doc?
Number one or number two?
463
00:26:05,522 --> 00:26:08,275
Yeah, okay, fine. I am divorced.
464
00:26:08,275 --> 00:26:10,860
I loved someone else,
and it didn't work out.
465
00:26:10,860 --> 00:26:14,281
Now I love Barbra Jean. I love her.
466
00:26:14,281 --> 00:26:17,158
So I care about what
she thinks of me. Not you.
467
00:26:18,118 --> 00:26:19,327
So, if you don't like me,
468
00:26:19,327 --> 00:26:22,580
well, gee, I'll just have to figure out
some way to live with that.
469
00:26:29,587 --> 00:26:31,006
[upbeat music playing]
470
00:26:32,924 --> 00:26:34,759
[upbeat music continues]
471
00:26:36,928 --> 00:26:38,096
[music stops]
472
00:26:38,096 --> 00:26:40,181
Gosh, it's quiet in here.
473
00:26:40,181 --> 00:26:43,184
Yeah, it is. Maybe 'cause
there's no other people here.
474
00:26:44,144 --> 00:26:46,313
Yeah. They've all gone to Lubbock.
[chuckles]
475
00:26:47,981 --> 00:26:51,609
So, even if they left
Barbra Jean's family reunion right now,
476
00:26:51,609 --> 00:26:53,820
the kids wouldn't be back until morning.
477
00:26:58,408 --> 00:26:59,451
Boy...
478
00:27:01,202 --> 00:27:03,621
it just got quieter in here. [giggles]
479
00:27:04,622 --> 00:27:05,707
[sighs]
480
00:27:09,294 --> 00:27:10,420
This is nice.
481
00:27:19,054 --> 00:27:22,098
Just a second. It's awfully light in here.
482
00:27:25,727 --> 00:27:26,603
How's that?
483
00:27:26,603 --> 00:27:29,022
Yeah, much better.
I was almost totally blinded.
484
00:27:30,565 --> 00:27:31,983
You want something to drink?
485
00:27:31,983 --> 00:27:34,402
Maybe we shouldn't drink, I mean, alcohol.
486
00:27:34,402 --> 00:27:36,404
But I'm thirsty. You want some juice?
487
00:27:36,404 --> 00:27:38,782
Reba, hang on a second. Have a seat.
488
00:27:38,782 --> 00:27:39,991
Okay. [sighs]
489
00:27:41,785 --> 00:27:43,411
[sighs]
490
00:27:52,504 --> 00:27:54,047
I'm not just gonna jump on you.
491
00:27:54,047 --> 00:27:57,050
Really? 'Cause that might be easier.
492
00:28:01,888 --> 00:28:06,226
I'm sorry. I... I just
don't know how this goes.
493
00:28:06,226 --> 00:28:09,354
Whatever you wanna happen
is what's gonna happen.
494
00:28:09,354 --> 00:28:10,855
So it's up to me?
495
00:28:10,855 --> 00:28:13,024
That's not the way I remember it.
496
00:28:15,110 --> 00:28:17,112
Would you like a suggestion?
497
00:28:17,112 --> 00:28:19,072
Give me a tour of the house.
498
00:28:19,072 --> 00:28:22,409
- But you've already seen the house.
- I haven't seen every room.
499
00:28:24,702 --> 00:28:25,829
Oh.
500
00:28:27,247 --> 00:28:28,623
The tour.
501
00:28:28,623 --> 00:28:31,334
- Right. Let me get my little hat.
- Okay.
502
00:28:32,877 --> 00:28:35,755
So, where would you like to start?
503
00:28:35,755 --> 00:28:37,257
Where would you like to start?
504
00:28:37,382 --> 00:28:40,427
Well, um, have you seen the backyard yet?
505
00:28:41,302 --> 00:28:45,223
Ladies and gentlemen, please keep
your feet and hands inside the car.
506
00:28:47,058 --> 00:28:48,768
[upbeat music playing]
507
00:28:53,606 --> 00:28:54,524
What?
508
00:28:54,524 --> 00:28:58,194
Kenny said he'll give me five dollars
if you let him kiss you.
509
00:28:58,194 --> 00:28:59,279
[audience laughing]
510
00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:01,614
I've got a better deal.
511
00:29:01,614 --> 00:29:04,117
I'll give you ten seconds
to get out of here.
512
00:29:05,577 --> 00:29:07,203
She means it.
513
00:29:09,914 --> 00:29:12,625
So, Kyra, what do you think
of Fisheye Bottom?
514
00:29:12,625 --> 00:29:15,211
I would imagine the suicide rate is high.
515
00:29:17,464 --> 00:29:19,215
Cheyenne, can we leave this dump?
516
00:29:19,215 --> 00:29:20,592
Kyra, you're being rude.
517
00:29:20,592 --> 00:29:23,052
Sorry. Can we leave this dump, please?
518
00:29:24,971 --> 00:29:27,724
It's almost like she's trying
to be rude on purpose.
519
00:29:28,516 --> 00:29:29,893
Oh, she's a good kid.
520
00:29:29,893 --> 00:29:32,854
Oh, she's just at that awkward age.
521
00:29:32,854 --> 00:29:35,857
I remember with Barbra Jean
it was 12 through...
522
00:29:36,608 --> 00:29:38,777
Well, how old are you now, Barbra Jean?
523
00:29:40,612 --> 00:29:42,572
A lady never reveals her age.
524
00:29:42,572 --> 00:29:44,157
Aw, you tell them or I will.
525
00:29:44,157 --> 00:29:45,241
30!
526
00:29:46,534 --> 00:29:52,248
So, I'm just biding my time,
and finally, his head pops up and bang!
527
00:29:52,248 --> 00:29:54,459
I nail him right between the eyes.
528
00:29:55,418 --> 00:29:57,504
That's great, Doc. [clears throat]
529
00:29:57,504 --> 00:29:59,631
You say that's called Whack-a-Mole?
530
00:30:01,841 --> 00:30:04,719
Dad, can we go? I swear I heard a banjo.
531
00:30:06,137 --> 00:30:09,432
Hey, Kyra. Why don't ya come
say hi to your new grandfather?
532
00:30:09,432 --> 00:30:12,435
- Here. Sit between us.
- [Big Daddy] Hey, Kyra!
533
00:30:12,435 --> 00:30:14,479
Sweetie, you can call me Big Grandaddy.
534
00:30:14,479 --> 00:30:16,105
Chances of that are slim.
535
00:30:16,940 --> 00:30:18,066
Dad?
536
00:30:18,650 --> 00:30:21,236
Would you excuse us
for a second, Big Daddy?
537
00:30:21,236 --> 00:30:26,074
Kyra, we are not leavin',
so just make the best of it.
538
00:30:26,074 --> 00:30:30,245
Well, why don't you give me the room key,
and I'll go watch the moving picture box?
539
00:30:30,245 --> 00:30:32,956
I'm having a real problem
with your attitude.
540
00:30:32,956 --> 00:30:36,334
Where'd you get the idea that
you're much better than everybody else?
541
00:30:36,334 --> 00:30:38,044
Most of it's through comparison.
542
00:30:40,213 --> 00:30:41,798
Knock it off.
543
00:30:41,798 --> 00:30:45,134
Now, when we came here,
none of us expected to have a good time,
544
00:30:45,134 --> 00:30:48,346
but we've all managed to find somebody
that we have something in common with.
545
00:30:48,930 --> 00:30:51,808
I mean, look at me and Big Daddy.
546
00:30:51,808 --> 00:30:55,478
Turns out he's a big gun collector,
and I'm afraid he's gonna shoot me.
547
00:30:57,188 --> 00:30:58,815
- Dad--
- No.
548
00:30:58,815 --> 00:31:02,193
Sometimes we do things we don't want
to do for people we care about.
549
00:31:02,193 --> 00:31:03,528
Doc, get back here.
550
00:31:03,528 --> 00:31:06,948
And sometimes we do things
for people with guns.
551
00:31:11,411 --> 00:31:13,621
Hey, Kyra. Havin' a good time?
552
00:31:13,621 --> 00:31:15,874
Well, I wasn't,
but then I had some Jell-O.
553
00:31:18,793 --> 00:31:20,211
Are you having a good time?
554
00:31:20,211 --> 00:31:22,547
- Why would you ask that?
- Are you?
555
00:31:23,298 --> 00:31:26,050
Of course. It's a family reunion.
556
00:31:30,430 --> 00:31:32,181
[quirky music playing]
557
00:31:33,933 --> 00:31:38,396
So... this is, uh, my room.
558
00:31:39,939 --> 00:31:41,274
Yeah, it's nice.
559
00:31:43,151 --> 00:31:46,446
Yeah, well, it's where I, you know, sleep.
560
00:31:48,197 --> 00:31:51,743
Yeah, I figured, with the bed and all.
That's a nice mattress.
561
00:31:51,743 --> 00:31:54,120
- It is?
- Yeah, it feels like a good one.
562
00:31:56,915 --> 00:31:59,000
Well, I think it's a good mattress.
563
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:02,170
But... what if it isn't?
564
00:32:02,170 --> 00:32:05,131
I mean, what if it isn't,
and I... I don't know it?
565
00:32:05,131 --> 00:32:07,717
What if I think
it's a perfectly fine mattress...
566
00:32:07,717 --> 00:32:12,555
and then somebody who's slept on a lot
of different mattresses comes along...
567
00:32:12,555 --> 00:32:16,309
and sleeps on it and says,
"Man, that's a bad mattress."
568
00:32:16,309 --> 00:32:17,852
[giggles]
569
00:32:17,852 --> 00:32:20,355
"I'm never gonna sleep
on that mattress again!"
570
00:32:21,064 --> 00:32:23,024
That's a lot of pressure on my mattress.
571
00:32:24,317 --> 00:32:25,276
- Reba.
- Do you?
572
00:32:25,276 --> 00:32:27,779
- Do I?
- Sleep on a lot of different mattresses?
573
00:32:27,779 --> 00:32:30,365
- Ah, no. Actually, I sleep on a futon.
- [exhales]
574
00:32:30,365 --> 00:32:32,450
But it's funny,
'cause, for a minute there,
575
00:32:32,450 --> 00:32:35,078
I thought you were gonna
ask me about women.
576
00:32:35,078 --> 00:32:37,121
[chuckles nervously] Whatever.
577
00:32:38,498 --> 00:32:42,377
Reba, since my wife passed away,
I have been with two women.
578
00:32:42,377 --> 00:32:44,712
Nobody for over a year.
579
00:32:44,712 --> 00:32:47,173
Last spring
when I changed my life insurance,
580
00:32:47,173 --> 00:32:49,676
I had a complete physical,
and everything was fine.
581
00:32:50,426 --> 00:32:52,345
Do you have a letter from that doctor?
582
00:32:54,013 --> 00:32:55,098
[sighs]
583
00:32:56,099 --> 00:32:58,309
- So, what about you?
- What about me what?
584
00:32:59,978 --> 00:33:01,688
Oh.
585
00:33:01,688 --> 00:33:04,649
Oh, no. No. I haven't been
with anybody except Brock.
586
00:33:04,649 --> 00:33:07,235
Oh, and Mel Gibson,
once in a dream. [laughs]
587
00:33:10,154 --> 00:33:11,656
No pressure. [laughs]
588
00:33:11,656 --> 00:33:14,409
I hear he sleeps on a futon, too.
589
00:33:28,756 --> 00:33:29,966
Just a second.
590
00:33:35,304 --> 00:33:36,264
[chuckles]
591
00:33:40,643 --> 00:33:41,769
[exhales]
592
00:33:44,814 --> 00:33:45,732
My kids. [chuckles]
593
00:33:47,984 --> 00:33:49,110
[clattering]
594
00:33:52,321 --> 00:33:53,448
[laughs]
595
00:33:57,952 --> 00:34:01,122
[sighs] Brian, I don't think
I can do this.
596
00:34:01,122 --> 00:34:03,416
I mean, I don't think
I can do this in here.
597
00:34:03,416 --> 00:34:04,917
Oh. Okay.
598
00:34:04,917 --> 00:34:06,794
You wanna run down to the couch?
599
00:34:06,794 --> 00:34:09,047
My kids watch TV on that couch!
600
00:34:10,048 --> 00:34:12,800
Okay, well, how 'bout, uh, um, um...
601
00:34:13,843 --> 00:34:16,387
Man, I wish I'd paid attention
during that tour.
602
00:34:16,387 --> 00:34:18,306
Well, you know...
603
00:34:19,766 --> 00:34:20,975
How 'bout your place?
604
00:34:20,975 --> 00:34:22,310
[sighs] It's an hour away!
605
00:34:22,310 --> 00:34:25,188
Although, tonight,
I could probably drive it in 15 minutes.
606
00:34:25,188 --> 00:34:26,564
[laughs]
607
00:34:26,564 --> 00:34:28,024
- I got an idea.
- What?
608
00:34:28,024 --> 00:34:31,235
There's this bed and breakfast
I stay at when I'm working in town.
609
00:34:31,235 --> 00:34:32,779
That sounds good. What's it called?
610
00:34:32,904 --> 00:34:36,324
The Sagebrush Motel.
I added the breakfast part.
611
00:34:36,324 --> 00:34:39,077
It's really nice, though.
They wrap the glasses in paper.
612
00:34:39,077 --> 00:34:40,870
That sounds like fun.
613
00:34:40,870 --> 00:34:42,914
Hey, we can send people postcards.
614
00:34:43,915 --> 00:34:45,166
Nah, I don't think so.
615
00:34:46,584 --> 00:34:48,461
[upbeat music playing]
616
00:34:50,088 --> 00:34:51,047
[music stops]
617
00:34:53,841 --> 00:34:55,760
[upbeat music playing]
618
00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:57,053
I was on drill team.
619
00:34:57,053 --> 00:35:01,140
As a matter of fact, my adviser said that
I was a role model for the whole squad.
620
00:35:01,140 --> 00:35:04,018
- [gasps]
- You know, until I got pregnant.
621
00:35:04,018 --> 00:35:07,897
Oh, the main thing is you were out there.
622
00:35:07,897 --> 00:35:11,609
After all, it's the pep squads
that hold the school together.
623
00:35:11,609 --> 00:35:13,903
Katie Ann was head cheerleader.
624
00:35:13,903 --> 00:35:15,113
You're kidding.
625
00:35:16,572 --> 00:35:20,326
That is why we played, right? To impress
the pretty girls cheering for us?
626
00:35:20,326 --> 00:35:22,453
Or to make our dads shut up.
627
00:35:24,413 --> 00:35:25,414
[chuckles awkwardly]
628
00:35:27,166 --> 00:35:30,002
I was at the games, too.
629
00:35:30,002 --> 00:35:31,295
I was in band.
630
00:35:31,295 --> 00:35:34,423
Oh! It was so hilarious!
She played the trombone!
631
00:35:34,423 --> 00:35:37,343
She was always knocking the hat
off the boy in front of her.
632
00:35:37,343 --> 00:35:39,428
- [toots]
- It was a huge joke in school.
633
00:35:39,428 --> 00:35:40,388
[giggles]
634
00:35:40,388 --> 00:35:43,683
Oh! You have got to hear
my cousin tell the story
635
00:35:43,683 --> 00:35:46,727
about when Barbra Jean cut her own hair.
636
00:35:46,727 --> 00:35:47,687
Aah!
637
00:35:47,687 --> 00:35:49,188
Gwen! The cue ball story!
638
00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:54,443
Oh, my sister's so funny.
639
00:35:54,443 --> 00:35:56,571
Really? She seems like a bitch to me.
640
00:35:58,197 --> 00:36:01,033
Kyra, you may not use language like that.
641
00:36:01,033 --> 00:36:02,743
It is inappropriate.
642
00:36:02,743 --> 00:36:04,412
And you're wrong.
643
00:36:04,412 --> 00:36:05,413
She's funny.
644
00:36:06,122 --> 00:36:08,291
Why do you laugh
when she makes fun of you?
645
00:36:08,291 --> 00:36:09,834
She's not making fun.
646
00:36:09,834 --> 00:36:12,461
She's, she's telling stories.
647
00:36:12,461 --> 00:36:15,381
Strange how in all her stories
you sound like an idiot.
648
00:36:15,381 --> 00:36:18,134
Didn't she ever do something
that you thought was stupid?
649
00:36:19,051 --> 00:36:20,136
[scoffs]
650
00:36:20,136 --> 00:36:21,512
No.
651
00:36:23,306 --> 00:36:24,348
Ever?
652
00:36:24,348 --> 00:36:27,393
No matter what she wants you
to believe, she's not perfect.
653
00:36:27,393 --> 00:36:29,270
Yes, she is.
654
00:36:29,979 --> 00:36:33,357
I mean, you know what it's like
having an older sister.
655
00:36:33,357 --> 00:36:36,527
Yeah, I do.
But I've trained mine to fear me.
656
00:36:38,529 --> 00:36:40,031
[Katie Ann laughing]
657
00:36:43,868 --> 00:36:46,329
Pull your hair back real tight,
Barbra Jean.
658
00:36:46,329 --> 00:36:49,290
Everybody wants to remember
what you looked like bald!
659
00:36:49,290 --> 00:36:50,708
[laughs]
660
00:36:53,586 --> 00:36:55,504
Okay, Katie Ann.
661
00:36:55,504 --> 00:36:58,007
But first, I just got to tell the story
662
00:36:58,007 --> 00:37:01,594
about the time you peed yourself
on the roller coaster!
663
00:37:01,594 --> 00:37:03,971
- [all exclaiming]
- [Katie Ann chuckles nervously]
664
00:37:03,971 --> 00:37:07,225
Barbra Jean,
nobody wants to hear that story.
665
00:37:07,225 --> 00:37:08,601
I do.
666
00:37:08,601 --> 00:37:09,810
Me, too.
667
00:37:10,770 --> 00:37:16,067
Well, the trouble started
when somebody slammed a 40-ounce Big Gulp.
668
00:37:16,067 --> 00:37:17,652
Mmm?
669
00:37:17,652 --> 00:37:20,488
I guess we know now
why it was called The Whizzer.
670
00:37:20,488 --> 00:37:22,740
[all laugh]
671
00:37:22,740 --> 00:37:25,243
Upstairs, bro! Oh!
672
00:37:25,243 --> 00:37:26,661
[upbeat music playing]
673
00:37:32,833 --> 00:37:35,586
I think it was that blinking motel sign.
674
00:37:35,586 --> 00:37:40,424
I mean, there we were, getting ready
to check in with no luggage or anything.
675
00:37:41,259 --> 00:37:44,762
It just made it look like
we were there for only one reason.
676
00:37:44,762 --> 00:37:46,097
Well, we kinda were.
677
00:37:47,723 --> 00:37:51,102
That desk clerk sitting there
reading the Bible didn't help either.
678
00:37:53,104 --> 00:37:55,648
I-- I just didn't think
I could feel comfortable there.
679
00:37:55,648 --> 00:37:58,609
Reba, maybe this isn't about
finding a place
680
00:37:58,609 --> 00:38:00,611
that you're gonna feel comfortable.
681
00:38:00,611 --> 00:38:03,489
I mean, maybe this is
a bigger issue than that.
682
00:38:07,952 --> 00:38:10,329
Brian, I really like you. A lot.
683
00:38:11,080 --> 00:38:14,041
But I don't know yet if I love ya.
684
00:38:14,041 --> 00:38:16,419
And I don't think
you're ready to say you love me.
685
00:38:16,544 --> 00:38:18,004
If it'll get you upstairs, I am.
686
00:38:21,590 --> 00:38:26,095
Look. See, that's just it.
I don't think people should, you know...
687
00:38:26,095 --> 00:38:27,847
Ring-a-ding?
688
00:38:27,847 --> 00:38:33,269
Yeah. I don't think people should
ring-a-ding to see if they fall in love.
689
00:38:33,269 --> 00:38:36,731
I think people should ring-a-ding
because they're already in love.
690
00:38:37,982 --> 00:38:40,818
That'd be good on a coffee mug,
wouldn't it?
691
00:38:40,818 --> 00:38:42,570
Or a bottle of Viagra.
692
00:38:44,155 --> 00:38:45,906
Man, things have changed.
693
00:38:47,325 --> 00:38:48,534
But you know what?
694
00:38:48,534 --> 00:38:49,744
I haven't.
695
00:38:50,828 --> 00:38:53,622
I'm still the same person I was
696
00:38:53,622 --> 00:38:55,583
before I did it the first time.
697
00:38:57,001 --> 00:39:01,839
Which is probably why you're gonna break
up with me just like Tommy Johnson did.
698
00:39:01,839 --> 00:39:04,050
Tommy Johnson was an idiot.
699
00:39:04,050 --> 00:39:08,220
And I'm gonna call you tomorrow morning
between 9:00 and 10:00 a.m.
700
00:39:09,930 --> 00:39:10,890
Okay.
701
00:39:10,890 --> 00:39:12,141
Good night, Wilma.
702
00:39:12,141 --> 00:39:13,517
Good night, Jughead.
703
00:39:19,565 --> 00:39:20,566
How about now?
704
00:39:22,526 --> 00:39:23,778
Go on now.
705
00:39:24,362 --> 00:39:25,821
Oh, Brian. Wait a sec.
706
00:39:27,448 --> 00:39:28,741
You got a long drive.
707
00:39:31,660 --> 00:39:33,287
[upbeat music playing]
708
00:39:35,998 --> 00:39:38,167
[upbeat music continues]
709
00:39:42,338 --> 00:39:45,549
Hey, honey. Welcome back.
How was your trip?
710
00:39:45,549 --> 00:39:47,593
Forget about that. What happened?
711
00:39:48,594 --> 00:39:51,097
Oh. Well, it's a little embarrassing.
712
00:39:51,097 --> 00:39:52,473
What? What's embarrassing?
713
00:39:52,473 --> 00:39:55,393
Well, we got a little tipsy,
went down to Mexico.
714
00:39:55,393 --> 00:39:57,728
Long story short, go up
and say hi to your new daddy.
715
00:40:00,981 --> 00:40:03,442
- You're not gonna tell me, are ya?
- Bingo.
716
00:40:03,442 --> 00:40:04,693
[chuckles]
717
00:40:04,693 --> 00:40:06,570
But, Cheyenne, thanks.
718
00:40:06,570 --> 00:40:08,280
Aw, you're welcome.
719
00:40:12,118 --> 00:40:14,120
Well, how was it?
720
00:40:14,120 --> 00:40:15,830
- Am I insane?
- [Reba] Hmm.
721
00:40:15,830 --> 00:40:19,125
Oh, 'cause I have to be insane.
I mean, it's obvious.
722
00:40:19,125 --> 00:40:23,003
I rented a minibus
for a nine-hour road trip,
723
00:40:23,003 --> 00:40:25,881
filled it with two screaming babies,
724
00:40:25,881 --> 00:40:29,593
two boys who fought over a puke pail,
725
00:40:29,593 --> 00:40:33,722
two sisters whose entire conversation
consisted of "No, you shut up,"
726
00:40:33,722 --> 00:40:36,392
and a woman who sang
a version of "Kumbaya"...
727
00:40:36,392 --> 00:40:40,146
that would make Billy Graham put
his fist through a stained-glass window!
728
00:40:41,355 --> 00:40:44,525
Oh, yeah. Huh. The trip was great!
729
00:40:45,484 --> 00:40:47,736
Barbra Jean, honey, let's go!
730
00:40:47,736 --> 00:40:48,988
Comin', Brock!
731
00:40:48,988 --> 00:40:52,199
- Well, I guess I should be goin'.
- Okay.
732
00:40:52,199 --> 00:40:54,368
Thanks for comin' with us.
733
00:40:54,368 --> 00:40:56,912
Sure, no problem. I had fun.
734
00:40:57,746 --> 00:41:00,040
I especially liked seeing your sister cry.
735
00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:03,210
[giggles] Me, too.
736
00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:07,882
- Good bye, Kyra.
- Bye.
737
00:41:08,674 --> 00:41:10,050
[soft music playing]
738
00:41:12,845 --> 00:41:14,680
[Barbra Jean sighs awkwardly]
739
00:41:15,181 --> 00:41:16,265
[sighs] Oh.
740
00:41:19,768 --> 00:41:22,062
- [Barbra Jean sighs]
- [Reba] Bye, Barbra Jean.
741
00:41:22,062 --> 00:41:23,355
[Barbra Jean] Bye-bye.
742
00:41:23,355 --> 00:41:26,358
[singing] ♪ Kumbaya, my Lord... ♪
743
00:41:26,358 --> 00:41:28,986
I don't think I'd sing that in the car
if I were you.
744
00:41:31,614 --> 00:41:36,035
Oh, I missed you so much.
So, you survived the trip. How was it?
745
00:41:36,035 --> 00:41:38,579
Mom, we're talking
about Barbra Jean's family.
746
00:41:38,579 --> 00:41:41,248
You know how it was.
They were a bunch of freaks.
747
00:41:41,248 --> 00:41:43,959
- There was only one normal person there.
- Who was that?
748
00:41:43,959 --> 00:41:45,711
- Oh, you don't know her.
- Oh.
749
00:41:45,711 --> 00:41:47,379
[light music playing]
750
00:41:54,887 --> 00:41:57,139
[theme music playing]